Parents Teach Gratitude and Thankfulness
Parents usually want to spoil their children and give them gifts. There is nothing wrong with that. They want their child to never lack for anything (as much as they can afford it) and have what others seem to have. They love their children and one way they demonstrate that love is to give the children gifts or experiences.
There is an imbedded problem in these gifts and experiences. When parents constantly give children toys, clothing, and/or privileges, they are not teaching their children a valuable lesson. The children not only don't understand the costs and sacrifices parents have made for them but also they develop attitudes of entitlement (the opposite of thankfulness and gratitude).
Teaching thankfulness and gratitude is not actually taught directly. It is taught by adults who model the behaviors. Parents can consistently (that is the key) reinforce gratitude and thankfulness, like many social traits, at home with their children. They do this by showing the behaviors they want their children to demonstrate. The behaviors need to be 24/7, 365 a year, for the lessons to "sink in".
Special occasions are not the only times for gratitude and thankfulness. Why can't the parent thank the child for his/her behavior towards someone else, while shopping for dinner, for showing care and concern to a sibling, etc.? Why can't the parent express gratitude for the child's existence, kindness, concerns toward him/her as well as siblings and/or others such as strangers? Why can't the parent thank the child for thinking of someone other than him/herself?
Words of praise and gratitude go a long way to both bond the child closer to the adults as well as teaching appropriate behaviors. What kind of words? How about something like these examples:
* You are such a good helper! Thank you for what you've done today.
* I really appreciate all your help. It has made my day easier and happier.
* You did such a good job of (......chore/task.....). I'm grateful that you were able to do that for me.
* I'm grateful I have such a wonderful, thoughtful child.
* Look at how well you've done that job! You are getting so grown up and I know others will appreciate you as much as I do.
Different Ages, Different Skills
Preschoolers generally do not have the developmental awareness of others' emotions/points of view or that other people may not have as much as they have. It is up to the parents to "open their eyes" to such concepts. Young children need to learn to share with others in ways that emotionally impact them. They could choose a gift to be given to a needy child during the holiday season.
Perhaps parents could, with their older children, volunteer at soup kitchens or events for the homeless or disadvantaged. For children to understand that they have more than others, they need to see that others have less than they do, perhaps even by having children clean out their toys for those outgrown or not used and donate them to centers themselves.
In some families, before holidays and birthdays, the children "make room" for the new. When gifts came unexpectedly, the children had to release equal (or more) numbers of items to others before they could keep what had just been given. This approach has another hidden agenda: cutting down on the clutter of unwanted, unused or grown out of toys and clothing stashed in closets. Cleaning out the closets makes the task the child's task rather than the adult's task. The child has the responsibility of emotionally valuing and separating from the toys and clothing. It prevents the child from stashing "stuff" to have "just in case" or for other "security" reasons.
Critical Life Skills
Parents want their children to be liked, accepted and valued by other children and adults. The quickest way to social acceptance, friendships and being important to others is to value the others aloud. Friends appreciating each other become very close friends. These relationships, parent-child and child-peers, become the foundation for the child's future relationships: employer-employee, marriage/significant other, and later on the child becomes the parent in his/her own parent-child relationships.
Your child's future is in your hands, depends on your willingness to teach him/her, and the emotional bonds your create with him/her. You are the model for your child's behavior. Be thankful and grateful for your child, because that child stretches your own heart with love shared.
All children can succeed in school. Parents can help their children by teaching the foundational skills that schools presume children have. Without the foundation for schools' academic instruction, children needlessly struggle and/or fail. Their future becomes affected because they then believe they are less than others, not able to succeed or achieve or provide for themselves or their families. Visit http://parentsteachkids.com to learn how to directly help your child and http://easyschoolsuccess.com to learn what is needed for education reform efforts to be successful.
By Jennifer Little
Parents usually want to spoil their children and give them gifts. There is nothing wrong with that. They want their child to never lack for anything (as much as they can afford it) and have what others seem to have. They love their children and one way they demonstrate that love is to give the children gifts or experiences.
There is an imbedded problem in these gifts and experiences. When parents constantly give children toys, clothing, and/or privileges, they are not teaching their children a valuable lesson. The children not only don't understand the costs and sacrifices parents have made for them but also they develop attitudes of entitlement (the opposite of thankfulness and gratitude).
Teaching thankfulness and gratitude is not actually taught directly. It is taught by adults who model the behaviors. Parents can consistently (that is the key) reinforce gratitude and thankfulness, like many social traits, at home with their children. They do this by showing the behaviors they want their children to demonstrate. The behaviors need to be 24/7, 365 a year, for the lessons to "sink in".
Special occasions are not the only times for gratitude and thankfulness. Why can't the parent thank the child for his/her behavior towards someone else, while shopping for dinner, for showing care and concern to a sibling, etc.? Why can't the parent express gratitude for the child's existence, kindness, concerns toward him/her as well as siblings and/or others such as strangers? Why can't the parent thank the child for thinking of someone other than him/herself?
Words of praise and gratitude go a long way to both bond the child closer to the adults as well as teaching appropriate behaviors. What kind of words? How about something like these examples:
* You are such a good helper! Thank you for what you've done today.
* I really appreciate all your help. It has made my day easier and happier.
* You did such a good job of (......chore/task.....). I'm grateful that you were able to do that for me.
* I'm grateful I have such a wonderful, thoughtful child.
* Look at how well you've done that job! You are getting so grown up and I know others will appreciate you as much as I do.
Different Ages, Different Skills
Preschoolers generally do not have the developmental awareness of others' emotions/points of view or that other people may not have as much as they have. It is up to the parents to "open their eyes" to such concepts. Young children need to learn to share with others in ways that emotionally impact them. They could choose a gift to be given to a needy child during the holiday season.
Perhaps parents could, with their older children, volunteer at soup kitchens or events for the homeless or disadvantaged. For children to understand that they have more than others, they need to see that others have less than they do, perhaps even by having children clean out their toys for those outgrown or not used and donate them to centers themselves.
In some families, before holidays and birthdays, the children "make room" for the new. When gifts came unexpectedly, the children had to release equal (or more) numbers of items to others before they could keep what had just been given. This approach has another hidden agenda: cutting down on the clutter of unwanted, unused or grown out of toys and clothing stashed in closets. Cleaning out the closets makes the task the child's task rather than the adult's task. The child has the responsibility of emotionally valuing and separating from the toys and clothing. It prevents the child from stashing "stuff" to have "just in case" or for other "security" reasons.
Critical Life Skills
Parents want their children to be liked, accepted and valued by other children and adults. The quickest way to social acceptance, friendships and being important to others is to value the others aloud. Friends appreciating each other become very close friends. These relationships, parent-child and child-peers, become the foundation for the child's future relationships: employer-employee, marriage/significant other, and later on the child becomes the parent in his/her own parent-child relationships.
Your child's future is in your hands, depends on your willingness to teach him/her, and the emotional bonds your create with him/her. You are the model for your child's behavior. Be thankful and grateful for your child, because that child stretches your own heart with love shared.
All children can succeed in school. Parents can help their children by teaching the foundational skills that schools presume children have. Without the foundation for schools' academic instruction, children needlessly struggle and/or fail. Their future becomes affected because they then believe they are less than others, not able to succeed or achieve or provide for themselves or their families. Visit http://parentsteachkids.com to learn how to directly help your child and http://easyschoolsuccess.com to learn what is needed for education reform efforts to be successful.
By Jennifer Little
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