How Did We Get Here?

1. Our world has adopted an "at least I am better than them" philosophy which has endured for years. If we pay attention to history, many of the world's leaders rose to power by convincing entire populations that there were a part because of their physical characteristics or their willingness to abandon other human beings around a single idea.

2. In modern day America, our political system encourages the "at least I am better than them" mentality but in a more subtle way. During Barack Obama's run for the US presidency, we saw visions of monkeys, nooses and racial stereotypes. For the mother of a bi-racial child that was awed by the possibility of his presidency, explaining the painful images was hurtful for him and made him aware that people were capable of judging another human on something other than their character and integrity. This week we saw a student battling with sexuality kill himself because we as a society have judgment something that we do not understand and made him feel that he did not have a place in "our" society.

3. In modern day American politics, the culture is disturbing. People hold onto "at least I am better than them" in the voting booth and vote against their own interest often because of this desire to be better than someone. Whilst it may feel fashionable or socially acceptable to judge or condemn welfare recipients, those people are still a child's parents. How does a child translate that they should have never been born? How does the child translate that their parent, their one source of care, is a total loser in this culture? Does this then put the child in defensive mode? Does it foster an environment where a child understands the wrong and right or does it cause anger about a government and society so hell bent on hating their family? Whether this is rational or not does not matter as we are talking about the process of the infant mind.

How Do We Fix It?

1. We have to start encouraging our children to talk and to allow them to have their own feelings without our judgment. What if our child is battling with sexual identity? Do we immediately tell that this behavior is wrong and they are going to hell or do we truly listen to their feelings?

2. We, as parents, have to teach our children to love others. Parents have to acknowledge that despite their feelings about races, cultures or lifestyle differences, our children live in a different world. It is only going to hurt our children if we perpetuate hate. The voice for hate is becoming less and less.

3. We as parents have to stop judging other children and know that often bad behavior at an early age is a cry for help. Embrace that child that engages in behavior that is not typically acceptable and talk to them and try to find out the cause of the problem and extend your hand to a child.

4. Educate your community and be an advocate for our children. Intervene when you see that parent telling their child that they can no longer play with Johnny because he said a curse word. Try to help Johnny and help the judging parent to try and help Johnny.

5. Encourage conversation. Listen to children without judgment. Judgment stops conversation and causes the child to keep their concerns bottled on the inside which subconsciously manifests in bad behaviors. Listen to our children before talking.

Dena Sisk Foman is an attorney and advocate for children's mental health issues. She is the author of Only I Can Define Me: Releasing Shame and Growing Into My Adult Self and is the child survivor of a dysfunctional upbringing. Ms. Foman founded The Let's Talk Initiative, Inc which aims to bring attention to mental health and to encourage parents and children to talk about subjects society deems shameful. She is a strong advocate for talking and encourages all to join her movement to talk freely without fear of judgment. You can connect with Dena Sisk Foman at http://www.releasingshame.com.

By Dena Sisk Foman