We as parents of course have the welfare of our children at heart. We want them to be safe, healthy, not to get in trouble and in that mindset, continue to make decisions for them.

What is wrong with that? Here are the disadvantages:

• 1. Your children may resent your control nature.
• 2. They may not know the consequences of making a decision and having to live with it.
• 3. They may suffer ridicule from others who see your children as mama's or daddy's kid.
• 4. Their personality will get stunted and not develop fully.
• 5. They will not be a good role model for their children.
• 6. If they have to step into the real world, they will not be prepared and will feel the shock.
• 7. They may not develop good instincts and judgement.

It is essential that you allow your children to develop fully in terms of personality, decision making and accepting responsibility for their actions. Here are a few tips on how to do that.

    * Generally, at age 15, children are old enough to know right from wrong. From then on, treat them as a trusted friend, not as a kid.

    * Make them aware of choices. When they "demand" something, let them know that it is not possible to have what they demand, Instead, they can make a choice and accept something close, or nothing at all.

    * Communicate your position fully and make sure they listen.

    * However tempting, do not make a decision or a choice for your children. They may make a mistake, but that is how they will learn. Just be sure they do not make serious mistakes.

    * Even if you have to step in, let it be their choice. Many children, when faced with a tough choice will think it out and then turn to you for advice. In many cases you may be able to turn this into a teaching moment.

    * Do not second guess your children's decisions. As I said, they may not make a decision you like, but that does not mean that they are wrong. They are simply looking at it from their perspective.

    * Make sure you have a follow up conversation with them.

    * Praise them and encourage them when they make decisions or take actions.

Good luck.

By Shyam A Sunder