Teen age girls and boys are in a world all their own. While adult in some ways, it is of paramount importance to remember that they have only lived to experience life between thirteen to nineteen years. While experience is not everything, it is needed many times to decipher for one's self what is true and what is not as well as what works for them, and what does not.

Keeping this in mind, it is important for the adults in their influential realm to not "over guard them" even with the best of intentions. It is almost for certain that the adolescent will view it as lack of trust in their ability to make sound judgment and just plain ol', "cramping their style." Their need to prove their independence to their peers is of utmost importance. In short, the more an adult tries to get close to the typical teenager, the more they will want to run in the opposite direction. Fast. So, how does an adult behave with an adolescent boy or girl?

Though the average adult is knowledgeable to guide a teen in the right direction given most circumstances, the adult must proceed with caution on how to relay their wisdom upon the most mature and immature teenage girl or boy. In other words, it's not what the adult knows, but the avenue chosen in which to convey those words of wisdom to an adolescent. Without being purposefully manipulative for one's own gain, maneuver the situation in such a way that it almost appears that the teenager has come up with the solution on their own.

Here is an example:

A fifteen year old sophomore girl has been asked to the Senior Prom by a sexually experienced seventeen or eighteen year old popular senior boy. The parents of the teenage girl is very concerned about the situation, but recognizes how excited their daughter is about being asked to the Senior Prom by a, "happening and hot," high school senior boy. Both parents know that to forbid the girl to go will most likely cause rebellion to raise its' ugly head in the girls reaction. On the other hand, to give their blessings for the date could lead to potential disaster by way of the girl losing her virginity at a very early age or, at the very least, be put in a rather uncomfortable or compromising position with the high school senior adolescent boy in several facets. So, what to do?

Assuming that the parents have an open relationship with their daughter (and desire to keep it that way), they may ask the girl to consider a few things before accepting or declining the boy's invitation such as: 1) If he wants to intimately kiss you or more, are you ready for that? 2) If he brings you to a party where they are drinking alcohol illegally, are you prepared to deal with the ramifications of either being the, "odd ball out," or even having the party getting busted by the police? 3) How well do you know this boy before going with him to his Senior Prom? 4) Why do you suppose this popular teenage boy asked a fifteen year old sophomore girl to the prom instead of a sixteen or seventeen year old Senior? 5) Do you think he would ask to have a date with you and just spend time at your house with your parents present? If not, why not? If yes, set a date and get that boy over to your house! Here is your chance to get a feel of what this
boy is all about without alienating your daughter from the parents.

While this situation may be a bit exaggerated, it does exemplify the way an adult needs to treat an adolescent with respect in allowing them to make educated choices for their lives while still guiding them in a beneficial direction. This will help to keep a healthy and open relationship between the adult and the teen. Hopefully, the teenager will feel safe to come to the adult when they feel they may be in over their head in a future situation, or simply need guidance. They will not go to anyone that they feel already views them as a child not capable of making any decisions for themselves.

It is crucial for the adult to remember that they were once teenagers themselves. Going through adolescence can be a trying time. Help lighten their load as much as possible. Try to recall how it felt to be a child wrapped in a maturing body, and eager for everyone to view them as a responsible adult. The world of a teenager is truly a place all its' own and it's very hard for any non-teenagers to join. However, if we are wise, we may be invited in every now and again.

By Donna Doss