Bullying (one teacher's perspective)
Bullies intimidate or mistreat a weaker person. It is the process of taking advantage of someone who may be in a vulnerable position.
How many incidents have we heard of that involved a child being bullied? There have been too many instances and it continues to occur daily. I have had the displeasure of encountering bullies, perhaps you have too.
No one knows all of the reasons why it happens. Maybe the bully has grown up in a horrible environment and their inner anger is taken out on others. It could be a dissatisfaction with a situation that is beyond their control. The loss of a parent, divorce, verbal or physical abuse, lack of guidance, or other disruptions within the family unit could trigger these behaviors in some children.
Whatever the cause, most of us would agree that the child has feelings of low self-worth and unresolved anger issues. The bully picks those who are easily overcome or defeated. The act of overpowering,threatening, or mistreating others may give them a feeling of contentment. It may give them a feeling of sudden power that they feel is lacking in their lives.
It has been my experience that the bully does not usually exhibit his behaviors in the classroom or in a closely supervised setting. They will approach kids in the hallway, cafeteria, bathroom, stair way, sidewalk, on the school bus, playground, or outside of the school environment. This makes it difficult for the teacher, staff, or administration to catch them in the actual act. Many times if the incident is reported to the principal, their hands are tied if there are no witnesses. Schools have procedures to follow. This leaves a feeling of helplessness for the victim, parents, teachers, counselors, and the school. The incidents may fall through the cracks. No one wins when this happens.
In a perfect world, no one would ever become a bully or have to deal with one. The reality is that this behavior exists. What can individuals do to resolve the issue of bullying?
That answer may be found within the individual families of the victim and the culprit.
1. Parenting: Each parent is responsible for creating a healthy home environment for their children. Communicate with the child daily and be aware of any changes in their behavior. Speak to your child's friends to see if anything has upset them. Provide your child with a journal. They may prefer to write down on paper what cannot be said aloud. Let your child know that you love them and will help with this problem.
2. Stay in contact with your child's school personnel. Counseling from the schools may be able available to assist with the problem. Keep in mind that many school counselors have enormous case loads and may not be able to give "one-on-one" time. There may be services in your community that can help. Non-profits, churches, community organizations, or support groups may be available to provide support.
3. Provide books or e books on bullying for your child to read. Read the books with them. Discuss the information and ask questions to ensure their understanding.
For the bully:
1. Recognize your pain and where it came from.
2. Know that everyone has problems in their lives. Hurting others will not erase those problems.
3. People are there to listen to you. Talk about it. Ask for help.
4. Decide if you want kindness or misery to be your friend.
5. Write down 3 things that you like about yourself.
6. Begin loving yourself.
7. Anger is a monster. You have to control it.
By Marie Brewer
Bullies intimidate or mistreat a weaker person. It is the process of taking advantage of someone who may be in a vulnerable position.
How many incidents have we heard of that involved a child being bullied? There have been too many instances and it continues to occur daily. I have had the displeasure of encountering bullies, perhaps you have too.
No one knows all of the reasons why it happens. Maybe the bully has grown up in a horrible environment and their inner anger is taken out on others. It could be a dissatisfaction with a situation that is beyond their control. The loss of a parent, divorce, verbal or physical abuse, lack of guidance, or other disruptions within the family unit could trigger these behaviors in some children.
Whatever the cause, most of us would agree that the child has feelings of low self-worth and unresolved anger issues. The bully picks those who are easily overcome or defeated. The act of overpowering,threatening, or mistreating others may give them a feeling of contentment. It may give them a feeling of sudden power that they feel is lacking in their lives.
It has been my experience that the bully does not usually exhibit his behaviors in the classroom or in a closely supervised setting. They will approach kids in the hallway, cafeteria, bathroom, stair way, sidewalk, on the school bus, playground, or outside of the school environment. This makes it difficult for the teacher, staff, or administration to catch them in the actual act. Many times if the incident is reported to the principal, their hands are tied if there are no witnesses. Schools have procedures to follow. This leaves a feeling of helplessness for the victim, parents, teachers, counselors, and the school. The incidents may fall through the cracks. No one wins when this happens.
In a perfect world, no one would ever become a bully or have to deal with one. The reality is that this behavior exists. What can individuals do to resolve the issue of bullying?
That answer may be found within the individual families of the victim and the culprit.
1. Parenting: Each parent is responsible for creating a healthy home environment for their children. Communicate with the child daily and be aware of any changes in their behavior. Speak to your child's friends to see if anything has upset them. Provide your child with a journal. They may prefer to write down on paper what cannot be said aloud. Let your child know that you love them and will help with this problem.
2. Stay in contact with your child's school personnel. Counseling from the schools may be able available to assist with the problem. Keep in mind that many school counselors have enormous case loads and may not be able to give "one-on-one" time. There may be services in your community that can help. Non-profits, churches, community organizations, or support groups may be available to provide support.
3. Provide books or e books on bullying for your child to read. Read the books with them. Discuss the information and ask questions to ensure their understanding.
For the bully:
1. Recognize your pain and where it came from.
2. Know that everyone has problems in their lives. Hurting others will not erase those problems.
3. People are there to listen to you. Talk about it. Ask for help.
4. Decide if you want kindness or misery to be your friend.
5. Write down 3 things that you like about yourself.
6. Begin loving yourself.
7. Anger is a monster. You have to control it.
By Marie Brewer
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