By Dana S Johnson
Any mother of a boy will tell you that there are certain things with little boys that don't need to be taught. First is the mimicking of motorized vehicular sounds. The lip buzzing-low rumble of a dump truck or the light hum of a race car is inherent within a boy's genetic make-up. With a little age the talent of turning anything into a gun comes forward. It doesn't matter if the parents are wanna-be hippies or card carrying NRA members, boys don't need an introduction to guns. It is completely within a boy's nature to shoot the cat with his doughnut if that's all he has at his disposal. My boys are 5 and 6 years old. Recently I discovered more machismo is lurking under the surface of their "Y" chromosomes. Apparently boys, like men, can't help but spout off football statistics.
My family was recently riding in the mini-van when my youngest decided it would be fun goad his father. He began chanting, "Packers BOOOO, Vikings Rule!" Needless to say this got our attention. Turning off on to a less traveled street, for fear that someone may hear our little traitor, we confronted him about this new allegiance. When asked why he didn't like the Packers he began by saying, "I don't like the Packers. They lost 40 sacks in 2 minutes. I mean, what kind of a team loses 40 sacks in 2 minutes?"
My husband, defending his green and gold, came back stating that the Vikings and the Packers each won eleven games. To this my son said, "So, in like 5 days the Packers are going to lose 150 points. Then the Vikings will be the winner and they have NEVER lost 40 sacks in 2 minutes."
Resorting to complete male undermining, my husband then said, "Well, you must want to be a girl because the Vikings wear purple and isn't purple a girl color?"
My son replied, "I was just kidding Daddy, I really do like the Packers."
Observing this male interaction was fascinating. As a woman I have never understood the ability to remember all of those worthless stats. How is it husbands everywhere can remember the number of sacks an obscure defensive end has, but can't remember his own wedding anniversary date? Batting averages over birthdays and victories over vacations...it all completely baffles me.
Looking to the future in my all male household, I am trying to prepare for what's to come. Will the lighting of noxious rectal gases come before or after the first hole in the wall? Should I be ready for girls calling or athlete's foot? How many days should I go before I remind all three of them that they forgot my birthday? Is there a way to block ESPN on one's TV?
I now understand how the phrase, "Boy oh Boy...."got its connotation. I've never heard someone say "Girl oh Girl." There must be a reason.
Dana Johnson is a spunky mother of two trying to figure it all out. Running her own business, volunteering at school, trying to keep the family unit clean and fed, and finding time for her are just some of the challenges Dana faces. Like most moms she is tired, underappreciated and overworked. But in her truly unique style, Dana is the first to laugh at the mishaps of life and loves to write about the humorous side of Mom-dom.
A native cheese-head, whose passions include mt. biking, whitewater kayaking, cross-country skiing, reading and writing, Dana has performed some stand-up comedy and storytelling in the Milwaukee area and hopes to one day find the time to write a book. She currently resides in Waukesha with her husband Charlie and her two little boys and runs her own company, http://www.openleafexcursions.com. She also moderates a community forum on which people can share and discover places in the outdoors. http://www.adventuregroove.com
Any mother of a boy will tell you that there are certain things with little boys that don't need to be taught. First is the mimicking of motorized vehicular sounds. The lip buzzing-low rumble of a dump truck or the light hum of a race car is inherent within a boy's genetic make-up. With a little age the talent of turning anything into a gun comes forward. It doesn't matter if the parents are wanna-be hippies or card carrying NRA members, boys don't need an introduction to guns. It is completely within a boy's nature to shoot the cat with his doughnut if that's all he has at his disposal. My boys are 5 and 6 years old. Recently I discovered more machismo is lurking under the surface of their "Y" chromosomes. Apparently boys, like men, can't help but spout off football statistics.
My family was recently riding in the mini-van when my youngest decided it would be fun goad his father. He began chanting, "Packers BOOOO, Vikings Rule!" Needless to say this got our attention. Turning off on to a less traveled street, for fear that someone may hear our little traitor, we confronted him about this new allegiance. When asked why he didn't like the Packers he began by saying, "I don't like the Packers. They lost 40 sacks in 2 minutes. I mean, what kind of a team loses 40 sacks in 2 minutes?"
My husband, defending his green and gold, came back stating that the Vikings and the Packers each won eleven games. To this my son said, "So, in like 5 days the Packers are going to lose 150 points. Then the Vikings will be the winner and they have NEVER lost 40 sacks in 2 minutes."
Resorting to complete male undermining, my husband then said, "Well, you must want to be a girl because the Vikings wear purple and isn't purple a girl color?"
My son replied, "I was just kidding Daddy, I really do like the Packers."
Observing this male interaction was fascinating. As a woman I have never understood the ability to remember all of those worthless stats. How is it husbands everywhere can remember the number of sacks an obscure defensive end has, but can't remember his own wedding anniversary date? Batting averages over birthdays and victories over vacations...it all completely baffles me.
Looking to the future in my all male household, I am trying to prepare for what's to come. Will the lighting of noxious rectal gases come before or after the first hole in the wall? Should I be ready for girls calling or athlete's foot? How many days should I go before I remind all three of them that they forgot my birthday? Is there a way to block ESPN on one's TV?
I now understand how the phrase, "Boy oh Boy...."got its connotation. I've never heard someone say "Girl oh Girl." There must be a reason.
Dana Johnson is a spunky mother of two trying to figure it all out. Running her own business, volunteering at school, trying to keep the family unit clean and fed, and finding time for her are just some of the challenges Dana faces. Like most moms she is tired, underappreciated and overworked. But in her truly unique style, Dana is the first to laugh at the mishaps of life and loves to write about the humorous side of Mom-dom.
A native cheese-head, whose passions include mt. biking, whitewater kayaking, cross-country skiing, reading and writing, Dana has performed some stand-up comedy and storytelling in the Milwaukee area and hopes to one day find the time to write a book. She currently resides in Waukesha with her husband Charlie and her two little boys and runs her own company, http://www.openleafexcursions.com. She also moderates a community forum on which people can share and discover places in the outdoors. http://www.adventuregroove.com
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