By Sheri Oz
Normal Childhood Sexuality
It is recognized that sexuality is a normal part of human life from birth until old age. The meaning of sexuality changes over the life cycle, however, and it is important to understand these differences.
Babies and toddlers, for example, are very interested in their bodies and in sensations derived from touch. Even though they may laugh and enjoy the touch to their genitals that occurs naturally when bathing them or changing their diapers, this does not mean that young children want sex as adults use that word. Similarly, the fact that an infant boy may get an erection does not mean that he experiences the erection sexually as does a grown man.
When young children undress together and look at each others genitals, this is usually not a sexual activity in adult terms. It is childhood curiosity.
Adults need to recognize that children are curious about their bodies just as they are curious about just about everything else. And it is helpful if parents think carefully about the kind of sexuality education they want to provide their children and learn enough about it to be able to talk openly and confidently about this subject that embarrasses just about every person in the world.
Normal Childhood Sexual Play
Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish between normal sexual play and pathological sexual play. But if we use the proper words to describe the activity, then it may be easier for us to tell the difference.
As described above for infants, a child's curiosity about the human body is not sexual in the sense that adult interest in the human body can be.
Abusive or pathological behaviour is not sexual for either adults or children. Rape is violence committed using the sex organs - it is not sexual behaviour. Similarly, sexual abuse of minors is violence using the sex organs or sexual response as weapons; it is not sexual behaviour. This is true even where no pain or physical aggression is applied.
Keeping this in mind should make it easier for us to see the differences between childhood behaviour focused on curiousity and exploration in contrast with childhood behaviour that is violent and has control as its main feature.
- The curious child is not obsessive about the behaviour and can stop more easily when asked to than when the behaviour is pathological.
- The curious child explores many aspects of life and is not focused mainly on sexual themes.
- The curious child asks questions when given the opportunity and does not hide his/her interest with excessive shame or secretive behaviours.
Therefore, there may be a problem if children:
- exhibit sexual behaviour or sexual knowledge that is inappropriate for their age
- compulsively engage in a behaviour even after having been told it is inappropriate (for example, masturbating in public, french kissing others)
- lie about their behaviour or their interests
- force others to do things against their will
Where to Turn for Help
Normal Childhood Sexuality
It is recognized that sexuality is a normal part of human life from birth until old age. The meaning of sexuality changes over the life cycle, however, and it is important to understand these differences.
Babies and toddlers, for example, are very interested in their bodies and in sensations derived from touch. Even though they may laugh and enjoy the touch to their genitals that occurs naturally when bathing them or changing their diapers, this does not mean that young children want sex as adults use that word. Similarly, the fact that an infant boy may get an erection does not mean that he experiences the erection sexually as does a grown man.
When young children undress together and look at each others genitals, this is usually not a sexual activity in adult terms. It is childhood curiosity.
Adults need to recognize that children are curious about their bodies just as they are curious about just about everything else. And it is helpful if parents think carefully about the kind of sexuality education they want to provide their children and learn enough about it to be able to talk openly and confidently about this subject that embarrasses just about every person in the world.
Normal Childhood Sexual Play
Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish between normal sexual play and pathological sexual play. But if we use the proper words to describe the activity, then it may be easier for us to tell the difference.
As described above for infants, a child's curiosity about the human body is not sexual in the sense that adult interest in the human body can be.
Abusive or pathological behaviour is not sexual for either adults or children. Rape is violence committed using the sex organs - it is not sexual behaviour. Similarly, sexual abuse of minors is violence using the sex organs or sexual response as weapons; it is not sexual behaviour. This is true even where no pain or physical aggression is applied.
Keeping this in mind should make it easier for us to see the differences between childhood behaviour focused on curiousity and exploration in contrast with childhood behaviour that is violent and has control as its main feature.
- The curious child is not obsessive about the behaviour and can stop more easily when asked to than when the behaviour is pathological.
- The curious child explores many aspects of life and is not focused mainly on sexual themes.
- The curious child asks questions when given the opportunity and does not hide his/her interest with excessive shame or secretive behaviours.
Therefore, there may be a problem if children:
- exhibit sexual behaviour or sexual knowledge that is inappropriate for their age
- compulsively engage in a behaviour even after having been told it is inappropriate (for example, masturbating in public, french kissing others)
- lie about their behaviour or their interests
- force others to do things against their will
Where to Turn for Help
If you want to know if the behaviour you see constitutes a symptom of problems that require professional help, you can refer to an international directory of phone numbers of organizations providing consultation in issues concerning child welfare.
Sheri Oz is an Israeli expert in the field of Childhood Sexual Abuse. In addition to lecturing at international conferences, she has published numerous clinical articles and position papers and one book. For over 25 years she served as therapist for sex abuse victims and clinical supervisor for other therapists wanting to learn from her. Today, she is concentrating on teaching and writing.
Sheri Oz published a guide for therapists and survivors, written together with a former client, a book entitled Overcoming Childhood Sexual Trauma. See a collection of all of Sheri's articles.
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