By Janie Walker
Low self esteem is so hard for any parent to deal with in their child. Bullying is rife in our society and these kids can either become the bully or be bullied. Low self esteem is a major source of low achievement at school.
Having raised 3 children to be happy, achieving, rounded, caring, respectful parents, friends, daughters & sons (Though not angels!) I do have some expertise in this area.
Additionally, before my marriage to David I was a nanny. An interesting study in parenting!
Just being thoughtless, we treat those we love most badly and wonder why they have low self esteem & poor confidence in themselves. I'm sure if we understood more we would be shocked at the effect we can have with out actions.
One of my jobs was looking after 2 children, Claire & Tom, 15 & 13 year old English kids. Great people, and the parents lovely people.
However, the parents thought it was 'modern' to let the son have 'elevenses' (a late morning beer)! Or to have alcohol at a party? Or to go to adolescent parties unattended by adults. Or to smoke a 'bit' of Pot! And certainly to have no set limits they knew to adhere to.
This didn't meet with what I believed was a way to raise kids. Fully 20, travelling the world, as cocky as you like I started to 'lay down the law' not only to the children but to the parents as well. To give them their due they kept employing me, I think they were realising that what they were doing wasn't really working.
The great lesson I learned from this was that when these children were given boundaries, even though they bucked against them, they loved it. The biggest thing I learned was that they knew I cared. They told me they weren't sure their parents loved them?
With our family, a few times we took the TV out of the house. Often the children would fight over programs or something and we would have a couple of weeks TV free. One of the reasons people don't want to do this I think, is that we, the adults like our TV too!!!!
The magic was that after a day or so they went outside, played happily, more creatively, read books, and even did homework happily.
Don't have a TV in your child's bedroom. (Nor, even more critically a computer). Today most homes would have 2 televisions, but they must be in common areas as with computers.
3 good reasons for this are:-
It is very isolating to sit alone in a bedroom. Isolation breeds loneliness.
Children need to know you care about what they are watching or what they have on their computers screens.
They need to feel they are part of a family, that they belong, and that you want them near.
We looked at dinner as a time for the family to be together. TV was off and a discussion of the day was on! A special treat was a pizza in front of the television.
Another important builder of confidence and self esteem for kids is having jobs to do around the home that add to the smooth running of the household. Garbage, vacuuming, bed, kitchen cleaning. Laying the table, mowing the lawn. There are so many ways for a child to feel they are contributing to the family and household.
Children need to be kept busy especially as they mature. There is no end to the 'creativity' of a child with too much time on their hands. If you want mischief, you'll get mischief!!
Here are 20 tips that will help you...........
Don't end the day with an argument. Always sort it before you sleep.
Be optimistic, we get what we think about!
Always back your partner's decisions even if you don't agree. Discuss it privately later.
NEVER be embarrassed to say "I love you"
Let your child know that no matter what they do you will always be there for them. They can always talk to you...good or bad. And you WILL believe them.
Discipline firmly but without anger.
Not all bruises show on the outside. Words can be equally bruising!
Sometimes there are no words to sooth only to be held close!
Teasing is rarely a self-esteem builder but we all must learn not to take ourselves too seriously.
Let you child take responsibility for their mistakes. There are consequences for miss deeds.
Do outdoor activities with your child, it's great for bonding.
Let your child see you cry if you're upset.
No matter what it is, if your child made it or chose it, love it. Their taste will improve
Pick up on the 'right' things they do so you aren't just the 'corrector!
Don't overreact to sniffles, hypochondria is a communicable disease!
Boundaries are requirements for a child's feeling of security.
"Rough house' play with Dad is a child way of learning from you where risk begins. It is important.
Have fun and be silly with your child, laugh, tell stories.
Make sure your child gets plenty of affectionate touch.
Be very careful talking about your child in front of them.
Really listen to your child. Don't interrupt. Don't finish their sentences.
"Self esteem is not something to teach, it is absorbed. It's not something we package; it takes time----our time, the lap time, the playtime, the fun time, the bedtime. But it's the most important gift we can give our children."
You will find more articles and a growing list of resources on my website http://www.shiftgears.com.au My love of people and thier success in all facts of their lives has lead me to this great resource, the internet. Please leave your email on my contact page. I would love to talk with you.
Low self esteem is so hard for any parent to deal with in their child. Bullying is rife in our society and these kids can either become the bully or be bullied. Low self esteem is a major source of low achievement at school.
Having raised 3 children to be happy, achieving, rounded, caring, respectful parents, friends, daughters & sons (Though not angels!) I do have some expertise in this area.
Additionally, before my marriage to David I was a nanny. An interesting study in parenting!
Just being thoughtless, we treat those we love most badly and wonder why they have low self esteem & poor confidence in themselves. I'm sure if we understood more we would be shocked at the effect we can have with out actions.
One of my jobs was looking after 2 children, Claire & Tom, 15 & 13 year old English kids. Great people, and the parents lovely people.
However, the parents thought it was 'modern' to let the son have 'elevenses' (a late morning beer)! Or to have alcohol at a party? Or to go to adolescent parties unattended by adults. Or to smoke a 'bit' of Pot! And certainly to have no set limits they knew to adhere to.
This didn't meet with what I believed was a way to raise kids. Fully 20, travelling the world, as cocky as you like I started to 'lay down the law' not only to the children but to the parents as well. To give them their due they kept employing me, I think they were realising that what they were doing wasn't really working.
The great lesson I learned from this was that when these children were given boundaries, even though they bucked against them, they loved it. The biggest thing I learned was that they knew I cared. They told me they weren't sure their parents loved them?
With our family, a few times we took the TV out of the house. Often the children would fight over programs or something and we would have a couple of weeks TV free. One of the reasons people don't want to do this I think, is that we, the adults like our TV too!!!!
The magic was that after a day or so they went outside, played happily, more creatively, read books, and even did homework happily.
Don't have a TV in your child's bedroom. (Nor, even more critically a computer). Today most homes would have 2 televisions, but they must be in common areas as with computers.
3 good reasons for this are:-
It is very isolating to sit alone in a bedroom. Isolation breeds loneliness.
Children need to know you care about what they are watching or what they have on their computers screens.
They need to feel they are part of a family, that they belong, and that you want them near.
We looked at dinner as a time for the family to be together. TV was off and a discussion of the day was on! A special treat was a pizza in front of the television.
Another important builder of confidence and self esteem for kids is having jobs to do around the home that add to the smooth running of the household. Garbage, vacuuming, bed, kitchen cleaning. Laying the table, mowing the lawn. There are so many ways for a child to feel they are contributing to the family and household.
Children need to be kept busy especially as they mature. There is no end to the 'creativity' of a child with too much time on their hands. If you want mischief, you'll get mischief!!
Here are 20 tips that will help you...........
Don't end the day with an argument. Always sort it before you sleep.
Be optimistic, we get what we think about!
Always back your partner's decisions even if you don't agree. Discuss it privately later.
NEVER be embarrassed to say "I love you"
Let your child know that no matter what they do you will always be there for them. They can always talk to you...good or bad. And you WILL believe them.
Discipline firmly but without anger.
Not all bruises show on the outside. Words can be equally bruising!
Sometimes there are no words to sooth only to be held close!
Teasing is rarely a self-esteem builder but we all must learn not to take ourselves too seriously.
Let you child take responsibility for their mistakes. There are consequences for miss deeds.
Do outdoor activities with your child, it's great for bonding.
Let your child see you cry if you're upset.
No matter what it is, if your child made it or chose it, love it. Their taste will improve
Pick up on the 'right' things they do so you aren't just the 'corrector!
Don't overreact to sniffles, hypochondria is a communicable disease!
Boundaries are requirements for a child's feeling of security.
"Rough house' play with Dad is a child way of learning from you where risk begins. It is important.
Have fun and be silly with your child, laugh, tell stories.
Make sure your child gets plenty of affectionate touch.
Be very careful talking about your child in front of them.
Really listen to your child. Don't interrupt. Don't finish their sentences.
"Self esteem is not something to teach, it is absorbed. It's not something we package; it takes time----our time, the lap time, the playtime, the fun time, the bedtime. But it's the most important gift we can give our children."
You will find more articles and a growing list of resources on my website http://www.shiftgears.com.au My love of people and thier success in all facts of their lives has lead me to this great resource, the internet. Please leave your email on my contact page. I would love to talk with you.
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