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Bullying: Signs to Look for in Bullies and Victims

Saturday, July 6, 2013 5:16 PM Posted by Kids and Teens
By Jay Foster

As many as 77 percent of children experience some bullying, from occasional to frequent. About 20 percent of kids admit to having bullied others. In one study, 6.3 percent of those interviewed had both been bullied and bullied others in turn. It was not clear which situation came first, and further studies of this group may be revealing.

Kids who are being bullied are often reluctant to tell an adult. They may fear reprisal from the bully, or may worry that they'll be somehow blamed or be a disappointment to their parents. This is quite unfortunate, because it compounds the feeling of being victimized and contributes to the emotional and psychological effects, which can be quite serious.

Therefore, parents and teachers, as well as school administrators, bus drivers, and others who work with children, need to be alert to the signs that suggest a child might be a bully or victim. They must also make it clear that bully behavior won't be tolerated. This creates the environment in which kids can feel comfortable reporting incidents to adults.

Parents who suspect their child is a victim should avoid asking directly, as embarrassment may lead the child to lie or minimize the situation. It is better to ask more general questions about school life, such as asking if there are any bullies, without making it personal.

Bullies engage in intimidating behavior by using their physical size or a perceived position of power. Their goal is to humiliate or harm the victim; bullies do not engage in lighthearted teasing. Their demeanor is most often somewhat casual during an attack. They do not behave as if angry or upset in any way. Girls who bully most frequently use cruel words and the spreading of rumors, while boys are more likely to threaten or carry out physical violence.

Victims tend to be those kids who have few friends. They may have physical or learning disabilities. They often become reluctant to go to school. Symptoms of stress are common, including difficulty sleeping, stomach ache and headache. Signs of depression very often appear. Parents can also watch for clothing and backpacks that are damaged or dirtied to an unusual extent.

A bully's success depends on the support of others in his or her peer group. The bully may have "henchmen" who actively participate. Bystanders fall into two main groups: those who choose not to get involved, and those who encourage the behavior by laughing, cheering, or drawing attention to the situation. Both of these groups facilitate continued bully behavior.

Bullying can only be successfully diminished through a comprehensive approach which includes students, parents, teachers, school staff, and the community at large. It begins with education about the consequences and impact of bully behavior. Kids need to be able to feel safe about reporting incidents and speaking up in support of victims, rather than enabling the bully through doing nothing. In addition, victims need to be given the confidence they need in order to defend themselves effectively.

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