By Ruth Knight

It is very common for girls to hit their teenage years and suddenly become less outgoing and motivated, while lacking self-esteem and confidence. It is a worrying time for parents who want their daughter to feel good about themselves and their achievements.

Research suggests that girls with low self-esteem have self-concepts that are confused, self-contradictory and inconsistent. This is concerning, because forming an identity is one of the most important tasks for adolescents, and it is extremely important for girls to know who they are, what they are good at, and what they believe in. Girls who form a good and strong identity have increased confidence and ability to deal with peer pressure, disappointment and change.

So, here are some ideas for parents who are looking for ways to raise their daughter's self-esteem and confidence:

Firstly, encourage your daughter to have a well-defined identity. This means helping her define what she likes, what she values and what she believes in. Good questions to ask her are: "Tell me about that", "Why did you make that decision?" and "Why does it make you feel like that?"

Spend lots of time giving her sincere and genuine feedback about her strengths and abilities. For example, "I think you are good at...because...", and "I like the way you..."

It is very important for you to work together with your daughter's teachers and mentors to help her become proud of her uniqueness, personality and strengths. If she receives mixed messages or regular discouraging criticism, it may result in confusion or an identity crisis.

Secondly, support your daughter to master self-control and problem solving skills. It is critical that she learns the art of taking responsibility for the decisions she makes. She must be supported to be creative, empathic and courageous as she becomes independent and accountable for the choices she makes.

It can be helpful to replay situations with her and ask: "What might have happened if you had made a different decision?" and "If a situation like this happens again, how are you going to handle it?"

Thirdly, encourage your daughter to be generous to others. This could be by being trustworthy, or by offering her time, ideas or friendship. When girls learn to be generous they start to realise that they can influence others positively. It helps them become more mindful of others and increasingly self-confident as people thank them for their generosity and kindness.

When teenage girls are supported to cultivate an internal appreciation for themselves and others, they begin to feel motivated and confident. That is why a positive and strong identity, good problem solving skills and an ability to be generous promote girls' sense of gratitude and purpose.

Ruth Knight is an experienced youth worker and consultant with Zark Consultancy. Ruth has developed a life skill program for teenage girls called "Girls With A Purpose", which is available from non-profit organisation Lifehouse Project. Find out more about working with teenage girls by going to http://www.lifehouse.org.au/gwap